I made a roast with carrots and potatoes for Noumenia Dinner last night, and after the Olympians (plus Hades and Persephone) were given their portion, I offered a generous amount to Loki, as well.  After all the clean up was finished, and I could relax, Loki came to tell me how he enjoyed his dinner.  I was surprised.  I didn’t really expect to see him until tomorrow or the day after that, since the day was mostly spent with Apollon.  We ended up chatting for about twenty minutes, at the end of which, I was instructed to dig out my carnelian runes that I haven’t touched since 2005.

I wasn’t expecting any kind of connection to them, and they did lack most of the energy I’d previously imprinted them with.  All I could feel was a vague sense of them still “belonging” to me.  The thing that really surprised me, though, was that I could still remember their names.  Oh, it took a lot of thinking to get some of them (like Ansuz), but most were just half a thought away, stored in some amazing repository of little-used information.

Wynn was the first rune I pulled from the pouch, and after my initial reaction to say “Perth” (because Wynn resembles the letter “P”), I corrected myself, much to Loki’s satisfaction.  And having studied nothing of Norse Mythology in the last decade, I know not if Loki has any connection to the runes outside of him simply being a Norse deity, but I was happy to have his approval, all the same.

Oddly enough, I first started learning divination with the Runes.  I had tried Tarot before then, but had been utterly rejected by the cards.  It wouldn’t be until years later that I finally developed a practice with the Tarot.

My runes teacher was a wonderful, tough and wise old lady who got plenty of requests to teach almost everyday.  She turned away almost all querents the entire time I knew her, until one day, she offered to teach me. It never even crossed my mind to ask her, as I wasn’t really interested in anything Norse, but she insisted I had what she was looking for in a student.  I had great respect for this woman, so I accepted her offer.  I ended up learning a lot from her, and not just about the runes, but I digress.

Anyhow, the point Loki was trying to make with me, I think, was that no matter what I currently feel about the Norse divination system, I still retain at least some talent and memory from past experiences with the runes.  I’m interested in getting more practice with them now, having been so inspired.

So, I guess this renewed relationship with Loki is already bearing fruit. Fruit that, as a diviner, I can actually eat… so to speak.  Wait a minute.  Did that sound alright to you?  Because I got a really naughty image in my head just now, when I typed that…

I’ve just set up a laundry line in the back yard, too.  Now, I can go outside to hang clothes and be in the wind and sun with my Lord, instead of drying them in the hot garage where the washer and dryer are.  I can be out there, singing to my plants and my cat and letting the spirits enjoy my company, which admittedly, they haven’t gotten enough of, lately.

I never thought I’d enjoy housework so much.  I never really enjoyed it until maybe this year.  I guess its taken me this long just to get good at it.  lol  But now I can see the progression of my attitude, and instead of feeling resentful of the sheer amount of housework, I can feel the pride of a well kept home (although I’m nowhere near being the perfect housekeeper), knowing that I am maintaining this welcoming atmosphere.  Not only for myself and my family, but also for my gods.

Today, I think I’m going to do the dusting while my human husband is out and about.  He hates to be around while I’m dusting, so this is a fine opportunity for me.  Also, I think I’ll spend a fair amount of time with my Prince at his shrine.  I’ll light some candles and make him something sweet, and we’ll just sit and chat, as I strongly get the feeling that he would like that.

So, there are my not so exciting plans for the day.  Today will be a good day, I can feel it.  :)

The picture was taken in the back yard, after the freakout and ensuing scramble to find garden gloves to take him outside with.  I love snakes, but I love them better when they stay out of my drawers.  lol

A Poll.

To anyone who doesn’t know, I’m on a path of Sacred Queenship.  It’s what I am.  It’s what I do, and my Work for Apollon and the other gods is, and has always been, a reflection of that archetype.  Strength and Sovereignty are qualities that the Prince himself has drilled into me.  That is why he wasn’t/isn’t upset with my decision to allow fair play between himself and the Trickster.

Obviously, he’s confident in his ability to retain my complete devotion.  I could expect no less from Apollon.  But, more importantly, I’m confident in myself, and my ability to choose well.  I am what Apollon has shaped and moulded, after all, and I’m doing exactly what is expected of me.

To take control, and to rule over all would-be obstacles; to set them into a useful motion by transforming any seeming disadvantage into an advantage. Another way of looking at it, might be to say that I make the unwelcome situation work for me, often by skillful negotiation.

A Queen must be focused and reserved, quickly using wit or charm to cut through to the heart of a matter.  She must be aware of the weight of her words, and the length of her glances.  And for me, in this situation, I must never forget that Apollon sees more, and farther than I.

I take my title seriously, with all its implications of noblesse oblige.  Therefor, I must conduct myself accordingly.  Which means, of course, no more whining and no more tears.  What do I have to cry about, anyway?  I’m loved, and all I’ve ever wanted was to be loved.

The Prince won’t bend on this rule.  I’ve practically begged my Lord to just let me speak to Loki (and thus ask him to stop), but Apollon is seriously not having that.  I don’t know what’s going on, or why this is such an issue, and more importantly, why Loki won’t go away.  He’s driving me up a wall, and I feel like I’m stuck between two gods who really don’t get along.  Which, by the way, is not a very nice place to be.

As I’ve said in a previous post, Loki and I have a history, and that history is neither trivial nor brief.  However, what we had happened and ended well before Apollon claimed his rights over me.  Everything that occurred before then, is moot.

I’ve made absolutely zero overtures toward Loki for the past ten years.  I have not attempted to get his attention, nor has he been in my thoughts. So, why is he here now, and why won’t he leave me alone?  Insights are greatly desired, appreciated and needed, Lokeans.  Advance thank yous to all.

One last thing.  Do any of you think it’s likely he’ll get bored and leave on his own?

I don’t know if this is a trend in modern Paganism or not.  I’ve read a few accounts of devotees taking up the veil, but not enough to say that it wasn’t just their individual preferences.  I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I also wear a head-covering (veil or scarf), and dress modestly, and over time it has become a spiritual practice for me.

After the birth of my daughter, one way in which I marked my personal transition into motherhood, was by shaving my head.  Sounds odd, I know, but you have to understand.  My hair at that time was such a mess from all of the relaxers and other chemical products I’d saturated it with over the years.  Not to mention how tired I was of the beauty industry, as a whole. (I also wanted to set a different example for her, and the only way to do that was to change myself.)

The glamorous hair/weaves, the porn star make-up, the skimpy clothes (can they actually be called clothes when they don’t even cover a third of the body?), those sadistic fuck-me heels… all of it.  There was something so appealing about this new minimalist approach, which helped to mentally remove me from many of those unhealthy societal trends.

The best way for me to describe it is that the veil covering my head and surrounding my face created a kind a tunnel vision, which prevented unwanted thoughts and images from reaching me.  Covering became a sort of precursor to a meditative state, one that I was able to hold throughout the day.  I was more at peace with myself when I was covered, and could clearly see just how far I’d strayed from the modesty of my youth.

Modesty and chastity have been subjects of the utmost seriousness to me, ever since I was a young lady.  I’ve never been an exhibitionist, and I have a strong belief that, though we should not suppress our natural sexual expressions, *our bodies should be shared only in love and trust, with those persons for whom we hold real affection for.  And for me, this includes my style of dress.

I am uncomfortable with displaying my form in such a way that brings leering sexual attention from people, whether they be male, female, strangers or acquaintances.  And this discomfort is exacerbated by the Prince, for whom this form exists.  He never fails to remind me that I am his, and that modesty and chastity are his preferences for me, in addition to being my natural inclinations.

Now that I have made the conscious decision to return to modesty, I no longer have to wonder what fancy new style I’m going to put my hair into each day.  No more spending three unhappy hours in the mirror trying to force my thick, kinky hair to straighten under a flat-iron.  I no longer worry if men are salivating over my made-up face.  In fact, I don’t pay any attention to them now, and couldn’t care less about what they are or aren’t thinking when they see me.  And I also don’t have to worry about foot pain, back aches and breaking my ankles, since I’m not prancing around in those painful shoes.

I’m much more at ease now that modesty and chastity are again central themes in my life.  I feel like I’ve reconnected with the purity within my soul, which my god wishes to cultivate and spread through all aspects of my being. It is due to the veil that I was able to find the strength to love myself, as I am.  It is because of the veil that I can leave my house feeling like a person, rather than as a piece of meat.  And while I don’t think the veil is for everyone, having that physical reminder of modesty lightly covering my head, helps to keep me mindful of my god and his expectations.

Apollon appreciates many kinds of devotional offerings, and the act of keeping myself covered, and thus unrevealed to all but my Lord, is an offering of my whole self, in all the completeness of my love, saved just for him.  **And I feel very fortunate to belong to a god who appreciates modesty and demure.

Well, it seems I’ve rambled on enough.  I swear I had a point to all of this. Oh, well.  I guess I just needed to say it in order to clarify these thoughts for myself. I would also love to hear from others who’ve taken up the veil, your reasons, what it means to you, etc.  Thanks for reading!  :)

~

*I know this is not the case for everyone, so I don’t want to come across as being preachy, but in my opinion, love is the ultimate source of sexual pleasure.
**Again, I’d like to stress that Lord Apollon has many varied tastes when it comes to his devotees.  My example is in no way “the norm”, and should not be taken as such, ever.

How many of us have, through our writing, unexpectedly helped another person to understand some nagging thought or emotion, one that they just couldn’t put their finger on until we wrote that article on the subject?  Or those people to whom our words were simply a comfort, or a familiar experience?  Even if all we were trying to do was hash out our own thoughts or insecurities, and even if we continue to feel a bit out of sorts over them, we have still accomplished our gods’ work.

They are constantly touching and interacting with this world, through us, their people who share bonds of love and loyalty with them.  And we act as conduits of their power, whether we intend to or not, whether we are paying attention or not.  We assist our gods, and each other, by spreading their divine messages.

It is very telling to watch the people whose blogs I follow, as they expand on a single theme running through the Pagan blogosphere, giving us their opinions, as well as the lessons of their gods and spirits.  And it might be completely accidental on their part, since although many of us keep up with one another’s writing at least semi-regularly, I doubt all of the Pagan bloggers care quite so much about what is going on outside of their own experiences.  Which leads me to speculate on whether the gods themselves are directing the flow of thought in our communities.

Take me, for instance.  I never wanted to be any kind of ambassador for my god, but that is exactly what I have become through writing here, or so the Prince tells me.  This blog was his idea, anyway, so I can’t even really say I started it for myself, though I would like to think that was the reason.

Obviously, Apollon wanted to get a certian kind of message out there to his people.  I know that I bring a perspective, and a perception of him that is, if not at odds with, is certainly not on par with a lot of mainstream views.  It doesn’t even matter if anyone actually believes what they read here.  The fact, is that Apollon wants these things to be said, to be available for whomever needs to see them.  And I will do this.  I will write these things because my god asks me to, and because I love him.  His presence and his power compels me, just as that of the many other gods compels their own. And, if we’re lucky, we’ll all continue to soak up the lessons that individuals in our communities put forth, while our own perceptions are expanded by their openness, and sharing of their lives’ intimate details.

This is especially useful for me, as a common theme floating around these days is something that I’ve only just starting dealing with, myself.   I was in deep denial until I found some very insightful articles written on the subject, which helped me to see that there are people going through this, and that I’m not insane.  So, if that is all I ever get out of this co-created world of thought and experience, I will have been better off for it.

Actually, I think we’re all better off, because, let’s face it, who doesn’t like having their sanity reaffirmed?  And anyway, none of this would even be possible without the very real presence and power of the gods in our lives, and in our hearts.

I missed my regular observance for the seventh last night, so this is my make-up assignment. The Prince will also receive a generous amount of delicious wine, which was recently gifted to me. Hail Apollon!

~

Sminthian Apollon. Is he the protector of mice, or the destroyer of mice (and are mice really just an obscure metaphor for mortals, in the overall view of his relationship toward us)? Does he cause, or does he repel the infestation? I say yes, yes and yes. Smintheus, the Plague-bearer, revealed to us in all his terrible glory in the Iliad, is the root cause of pestilence. While, as the Healer, the god is also in the ultimate position of control over its outcome. Mice are host to a range of diseases, but they are also instrumental in the development of modern medicine.

This seems to be a major focus of debate concerning the epithet. But, I wonder if perhaps we should look at it a bit differently. Perhaps the god is not merely a protector/destroyer of mice and mortals (which I believe he very much is), but perhaps our Lord Apollon is the Mouse.

Perhaps he comes into our lives in a very small, mouse-like way, almost an unnoticeable way.  Like a swift, dark shadow of movement in the periphery. Like the slight chill which travels up the spine, in consideration of what you think you saw, in that moment.

The Mouse will find some minuscule crack in your outer defenses. Just some small corner, tucked away in shadow. Then he’ll climb inside to explore all the inner spaces of your defensive constructs. But you can’t defend against him. There can be nothing hidden from the Mouse once he’s entered your house. And when he reaches the pantry, it’s all over.

There, the Mouse will get a taste of what you have to offer, all of your sustenance, all of your potential. He’ll learn if you have a sweet tooth, or if you prefer a more bitter flavor. He will embrace your whole palette, and he will multiply.

The Mouse will invade and pervade every crevice and hidden alcove. He will settle in and nest just beneath your range of vision. You’ll see the signs of his presence, and maybe you’ll think he’s just passing through, that he’s not inclined to stay. But you’d only be denying the Truth.

The Mouse will watch you, learning your habits, learning when to gnaw and when to hide. And in the quiet time of sleep, you may hear him in the distance, chewing away, carving a more suitable path for himself, through your walls and barriers.  Soon, they will become weak, crumble, and you will know that he has made your walls his home.

And that, my friends, is what I think of Sminthian Apollon, the Mouse.