And so is the change within me. My god, Apollon, has only left my side for very short amounts of time since I received a certain bit of information the other day. He hovers over me, and clings to my aura, and makes me really, really hot when everybody else in the house is freezing cold. He keeps me awake, suffering from his heat, but basking in his love, while he enters my mind and body nearly every night. And, as I began to stir from yet another sweaty and restless night, my Lord whispered so soft and lovingly, in that time between waking and dreaming:
“I am the sword, and you are my sheath,” he said.
Those few, simple words were like a skeleton key, unlocking all of the hidden doors in my soul. There is so much layered meaning, so much truth in those words, in light of my relationship with the god.
Now it makes sense as to why I feel like I’ve been hollowed out to some extent, because I have been. And now I understand why I’ve been having such a hard time controlling my thoughts, and keeping those haughty, defiant remarks to myself. They aren’t all my thoughts, nor are they always my words flung out in anger. My Lord is playing a much less passive role now, which in turn causes me to be less passive.
I don’t think I’m ready for this, as it has already caused much grief in my home. If my god will no longer allow me to be the helpmate my husband wants, the marriage probably isn’t going to last. I have mixed feelings, of course. On one hand, I love my husband, our daughter, and the life we’ve built together these past ten years. While, on the other hand, I have become incredibly sick of being treated like some strange cross between a pet, a maid, and a host of sex toys. It’s been a long, hard road leading to such admittance, but Apollon has made clear on several occasions his vehement dislike of my situation, and I have a feeling that my life is about to blow up, in a big way.
And so, I wait for Samhain, for the New Year, while preparing for the coming explosion that all of my careful divination says is unavoidable. The gods are great, most definitely, and their greatness changes everything they touch. The gods are dangerous, most assuredly, but their blessings far outweigh their danger. At least, that has been the case between myself and Apollon. I hope it remains thusly, and I pray for a favorable end, whatever it may be.
Hail Apollon. Hail Zeus.