Apollon In Darkness

So, I am not fortunate enough to personally know any other devotees of Apollon, meaning I don’t have many stories with which to compare my own experiences of the god.  Which is a real drag for me, but only seems to amuse my Lord, since it was his desire that I learn directly from him, experiencing him myself, with no one else’s opinions to be used as a qualifier, or a filter.  I can see the logic in this, but knowing a little of what to expect might have helped me get past the initial shock of my first encounters with the Wolfish Apollon.

You see, I was already familiar with Apollon as the Raven, and with Apollon as the Serpent. I grew up surrounded by those aspects of the god. It was the Wolf that I needed to become acquainted with, and the Wolf is not very much like the Mouse.

One thing I’ve noticed though, is that apparently this aspect of Apollon’s personality is disputed by some.  Really?  Apollon’s name means Destroyer, and there is a dispute regarding the more obviously dangerous parts of his nature? Seriously?

He is the god who sees all the paths of time clearly, and he is the Worker From Afar, who often destroys parts of us, or parts of our lives that he sees as a hindrance to our growth.  Humans can not see so far ahead, and thus we whine and complain when he changes our lives, unknowing of the improvements he has made on our behalf.

But he does not have to stay far back, and will often dive right into a person’s deepest hurts and traumas.  Because, dear reader, Apollon, the Prince of Olympos, is just as comfortable wading through the darkness of our hearts, as he is reveling in the enlightenment that he himself provides.  That is why he is able to pull even the dredges of society back toward his light, to truly help us become better than we were.

Apollon is a liminal god, one who exists between, within the realm of shadow. Which is to say, the space between darkness and light, for he has mastered both.  How else can we appreciate his light, if we do not also glimpse the darkness that is his to unleash?  How will we be able to understand and appreciate his kindness, if we are not also privy to his wrath?

My Lord is not all light and healing, and emotional reserve. Yes, those things are a part of him, but they are not all of him.  I can not say whether knowing this part of his nature is positive or negative, because knowing him like this has brought me both pain and joy in equal measure.  So, perhaps not all of his humans are meant to know him thusly, and that’s okay.  However, I do believe that Apollonian devotees should at least be aware that moderation does not necessarily equal repression, and that Apollon is, in fact, an incredibly passionate god.  A god without passion could never lead the Muses, and Apollon is the most passionate god I’ve ever known.  But, perhaps I am biased, being his absolute possession, and all.

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13 responses to “Apollon In Darkness

  1. Beautiful, passionate and wise! I wrote about this side of Apollon a while back, but you did a far better job of capturing his uncanny qualities.

    • I’m so glad you linked to your post! It touches on a few things that I’d left out of mine, and having it here for reference will be a great service to those looking for such insights on the god. Oh, and I don’t think I captured his qualities any better than you did, only differently. Also, I must give credit to another blogger, whose post about Lucifer inspired me to dust off this draft that I’d been picking over for the last month.

  2. A wolf in wolf’s clothing,
    You scent blood as surely as any
    But your teeth and claws are more precise
    Carving out the sick and rotted flesh
    And your tongue is a healing balm
    Lapping up what spills.

    Lykeios, I am damaged
    I have fallen behind the others
    You will catch me easily.

    I won’t struggle, when it happens –
    I trust you.

    [One of my poems to Him. In other words, yes, I totally get what you’re saying. And for any who doubt, I say only “Marsyas”. I don’t think very many people, even devotees, see much of His darker side though. Personally, doing the Pythia thing, I see it quite a bit. That part of Him that one finds in the adyton or oracular cave.]

    • Yes, I know what you mean about the oracular cave. I’m studying the oracle as a part of my devotion, and I’ve had many dreams of the Pythian. He is so intense.

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  4. Very interesting to read for people who do not know him so well. :)

    Did you this blog from another worshipper ? http://lykeiaofapollon.wordpress.com/

    • I just hope this little post gives some insight into aspects of Apollon that many people may not even be aware of. It certainly would have helped me in my understanding, if I’d found anything similar. And yes, I follow her blog, too. It is a really excellent resource for those seeking insights into the god’s worship, especially from a more traditional perspective.

      • It really does ! And I wish there were more to read ;)

        I’ve got a special link to Apollon since it was my bestfriend guardian in adolescence while mine was Artemis.

        And for a year or so, I work intensely with a Gaulish God that has been “replaced” by Apollon later : Belenos (or Belinus sometimes). It is my Patron God, and lately, despiste his pure light, he seems to invite to embrace my darkness. So your post was an interesting echo for that too ;)

      • I’m glad you found it a worthwhile read :)

  5. Alexis Solvey Viorsdottir

    your words are inspiring and I’m glad not to be alone ^^
    there are so many Loki spouses on the web but only a few women who worship Apollon in a intensely way that you (or we) do.

    • It’s so wonderful to meet you, Alexis. I know how it feels, to think you are the only one out there, but I often wonder if that isn’t by our Lord’s design. As I said in the above post, when I started on this path, He told me to stay away from other people’s opinions of Him. I think He likes to keep us to Himself, and not have all of us “out there” on the internet. Discretion is the better part of valor.

  6. Hey!!!! I know this is an older entry, but I stumbled across it by accident but it just seems perfect for what I am going through right now with Him. Maybe it wasn’t an accident! I think I understand a little better now that He sees ALL and it’s okay. I wonder if the darkness in my heart is too much or too humiliating to ask for His help but He calls me and invites me to embrace Him. His love and mercy are absolutely amazing and I am truly grateful for it!