My latest encounters with Apollon have had me wanting to articulate something that is pretty important to me, as well as to him. At least, in my case. I don’t often have the chance to discuss this, so I’m not sure exactly what I want to say, but since my Lord is prodding me to continue, I guess I will. lol
I don’t know if this is a trend in modern Paganism or not. I’ve read a few accounts of devotees taking up the veil, but not enough to say that it wasn’t just their individual preferences. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I also wear a head-covering (veil or scarf), and dress modestly, and over time it has become a spiritual practice for me.
After the birth of my daughter, one way in which I marked my personal transition into motherhood, was by shaving my head. Sounds odd, I know, but you have to understand. My hair at that time was such a mess from all of the relaxers and other chemical products I’d saturated it with over the years. Not to mention how tired I was of the beauty industry, as a whole. (I also wanted to set a different example for her, and the only way to do that was to change myself.)
The glamorous hair/weaves, the porn star make-up, the skimpy clothes (can they actually be called clothes when they don’t even cover a third of the body?), those sadistic fuck-me heels… all of it. There was something so appealing about this new minimalist approach, which helped to mentally remove me from many of those unhealthy societal trends.
The best way for me to describe it is that the veil covering my head and surrounding my face created a kind a tunnel vision, which prevented unwanted thoughts and images from reaching me. Covering became a sort of precursor to a meditative state, one that I was able to hold throughout the day. I was more at peace with myself when I was covered, and could clearly see just how far I’d strayed from the modesty of my youth.
Modesty and chastity have been subjects of the utmost seriousness to me, ever since I was a young lady. I’ve never been an exhibitionist, and I have a strong belief that, though we should not suppress our natural sexual expressions, *our bodies should be shared only in love and trust, with those persons for whom we hold real affection for. And for me, this includes my style of dress.
I am uncomfortable with displaying my form in such a way that brings leering sexual attention from people, whether they be male, female, strangers or acquaintances. And this discomfort is exacerbated by the Prince, for whom this form exists. He never fails to remind me that I am his, and that modesty and chastity are his preferences for me, in addition to being my natural inclinations.
Now that I have made the conscious decision to return to modesty, I no longer have to wonder what fancy new style I’m going to put my hair into each day. No more spending three unhappy hours in the mirror trying to force my thick, kinky hair to straighten under a flat-iron. I no longer worry if men are salivating over my made-up face. In fact, I don’t pay any attention to them now, and couldn’t care less about what they are or aren’t thinking when they see me. And I also don’t have to worry about foot pain, back aches and breaking my ankles, since I’m not prancing around in those painful shoes.
I’m much more at ease now that modesty and chastity are again central themes in my life. I feel like I’ve reconnected with the purity within my soul, which my god wishes to cultivate and spread through all aspects of my being. It is due to the veil that I was able to find the strength to love myself, as I am. It is because of the veil that I can leave my house feeling like a person, rather than as a piece of meat. And while I don’t think the veil is for everyone, having that physical reminder of modesty lightly covering my head, helps to keep me mindful of my god and his expectations.
Apollon appreciates many kinds of devotional offerings, and the act of keeping myself covered, and thus unrevealed to all but my Lord, is an offering of my whole self, in all the completeness of my love, saved just for him. **And I feel very fortunate to belong to a god who appreciates modesty and demure.
Well, it seems I’ve rambled on enough. I swear I had a point to all of this. Oh, well. I guess I just needed to say it in order to clarify these thoughts for myself. I would also love to hear from others who’ve taken up the veil, your reasons, what it means to you, etc. Thanks for reading! :)
*I know this is not the case for everyone, so I don’t want to come across as being preachy, but in my opinion, love is the ultimate source of sexual pleasure.
**Again, I’d like to stress that Lord Apollon has many varied tastes when it comes to his devotees. My example is in no way “the norm”, and should not be taken as such, ever.