Category Archives: The Waiting Ones

Gratitude Project 2017, Day 29 – Alexander

This is a difficult one to write, because I don’t think I’ve ever written about Alexander before, or about what He means to me.  He is the only truly historically corroborated deified human to receive my devotion. We have known one another for a very long time, but I honestly have no idea when He first approached me.

I just remember being young, and completely fascinated.  I think it was around the time I was trying to get Ares’ attention, but He (I now know Zeus encouraged this) sort of pushed Alexander at me, and said, “Here, You deal with that instead.”  Luckily, Alexander and I, especially my younger self, had quite a lot in common.

Mostly, our conversations consisted of me asking unending questions, and Him answering them with wit and flair.  To this day, He makes me laugh more than Anyone, and I always feel safest and most secure when He is near.

I’m sure this is a different dynamic than His other devotees have with Him.  That’s fine.  Our relationship is something quite different.  It isn’t important for me to disclose the details, but I didn’t want to get toward the end of my participation in this year’s Gratitude Project without letting Him know how much He means to me.

I would be so much less without Alexander.  He fills the gaps in my rule, and in my existence.  He is my Right Hand, the General of Generals, and He can never be replaced.  He has my sincerest devotion– my love— and I am grateful that Zeus told Him to wait for me.  But I am most grateful that He decided I was worth waiting for.


Gratitude Project 2017, Day 16 – Ares

Ares receives a lot of respect and devotion in my household.  In addition to my own personal devotion, Ares receives the devotion of my warrior spirits, the Waiting Ones.  They look to Him as their example, and their inspiration.  Part of my duty to them, is to facilitate their worship of Him.

For my spirits, I serve as a priestess of Ares– but only for them, in the rites specific to them.  Having me, their Queen, to serve in this capacity helps to solidify their bond with me, as well.  In helping them to reach their God, I become even more precious to them, which makes them more valuable to me in their fervency and instinct to protect.  It’s all very symbiotic.

As I serve Ares for them, I also learn much about the minds of soldiers, and how to make decisions concerning them.  These things do not come naturally to me, and I am so glad to have Ares’ assistance.  It isn’t just in the devotional aspect that He helps me to understand.  We talk at other times, as well.

Ares has an opinion about everything, let me tell you.  He is the king of unsolicited advice.  A lot of the time, He’s spot on in His analysis. Sometimes, it’s just annoying.  Of course, I always listen, because I respect Him, and I know He has my best interest in mind.  He is very wise, but I think much of the time His wisdom is underestimated.

It makes me glad to see more people honoring Him and appreciating Him, because He is an amazing God, and He deserves it all.  For all of the ways that He has shaped me, my family, and my Court, I am grateful.  For the strength that I’ve gained through my association with Him, I am grateful. For His advice, solicited or not, I am grateful.  For Ares, God of battle-lust and tactics, He who inspires courage, I am grateful.


Convo with the Generals

A little back story:  It is unanimously frowned upon for me to have friends of the type with which one would share their deepest secrets.  Not because I’m a bad person, or because I don’t try.  I try very, very hard.  But despite this, those friendships always inevitably crumble from the weight of my Heritage.  I am told that someone like me has Family, subjects, and a/Allies. Not friends.

I’m sharing (with trepidation) because we have disagreements and it’s as important to shine a light on these times as it is when we are all in accord.  I’m dealing with p/People who have opinions and agency, even if many of them are my subjects.

This is for all the Queens and Kings who think everyone in your Courts are supposed to agree with you.  They aren’t.

This is also me owning up to the fact that I may have made the mistake of holding onto something that was doomed from the start, thus causing a great deal of preventable anguish.  It is not my finest moment, to be sure, and I regret a lot of what happened.  But not everything.  Not the good parts.

Me:  So you think I did something wrong?

Consort:  It is possible to be wrong even while doing everything right, so to speak.  The point is that you knew better.

Me:  I think that’s bullshit.

Consort:  And you would be wrong.

Me:  Does everybody agree with this?  Should I have not even bothered? Should I have been cold and horrible and unfeeling and oh so above it all?

General 1:  Well, yes.  Your loneliness, even someone else’s lonliness, is not a good enough reason to close the distance that is meant to be.

Me:  See, I just do not agree that this distance is ‘meant to be’.  What is the purpose for it?

General 2:  For your own good, for your protection, and for the good of the people who interact with you.  You sit on a throne that is removed.  It is separate.  You are separate.

Me:  You all sound like Zeus.

Consort:  Yeah.  Don’t you think there’s a reason we were all gathered together for you?  It’s not like it was an accident.

Me:  He picked you because your values were in alignment with His?  I thought it was because you were supposed to protect me.  Which, by the way, good job.  *claps slowly*

General 2:  Hmmph.  He chose us because we’d tell you the truth instead of what you want to hear.

Me:  *rolls eyes*  That must be so exhausting.

General 3:  Do you think we want to make you unhappy?  You are very literally the reason for our continued existence.  It doesn’t do us any good when you’re miserable.

Me:  Then quit telling me I shouldn’t have friends.  I only wanted one.

General 3:  How many times has this happened?

Me:  Like, four times…

General 3:  Then experience should tell you to stop trying.  You hardly need us for that.

General 2:  I think she needs to stop pretending.

Me:  Pretending!?

General 2:  Stop pretending that you’re the same as them.

Me:  Oh.  My.  God.

Consort:  Don’t bring Him into this.  This is between us.  And besides, He isn’t magically exempt from Zeus’ values.

Me:  Whatever, [name redacted].  I deserve to have friends.  Our friendship was mutually beneficial.

Consort:  It was codependent.

General 1:  Do you know how bourgiose you sound right now, talking about what you ‘deserve’?  You’re a Queen.  You already have everything anyone could ever want.  Your job is to put others first.

Me:  So I don’t deserve to be happy!?

General 1:  Not at the expense of others, no.

Consort:  Look, the bottom line is you were hurting [pronoun redacted]. Your friendship was toxic to [pronoun redacted], because of who and what you are.  You’re always talking about doing the right thing, about not hurting people, about being a good Queen.  Well, a good Queen knows when to stop contributing to the suffering of others, ESPECIALLY when she calls them friend.  This isn’t about you, My love, and it never was.

Me:  *stews angrily*

Consort:  In the end, [pronoun redacted] did the right thing when you failed to.  But it was because [pronoun redacted] was in pain, much of which could have been avoided if you’d have listened to your Father.

Me:  *scoffs*  I’d say ‘I don’t believe this’, but y’all know it would be a lie.

Consort:  Don’t ever try to lie to Me, Princess.  You’re too transparent.

Me:  You don’t get to call me that right now.

Consort:  *smiling*  Forgive Me, My Queen.

***What is written above is what my spirits tell me, about my brand of Queenship.  It is entirely likely and appropriate for your spirits to tell you something different, and to expect something different from you.  My path is not yours.  Do not ever look at mine as a template for your own.***

Maxim #109: Fear Ruling

I find myself in a vulnerable place in my life and spirituality right now.  As I work to integrate the spiritual realms into every possible aspect of living in this world, the immersion itself becomes easier, yet the politics involved with attending to my responsibilities becomes even more complex.

The Waiting Ones, the largest grouping of spirits under my authority, are much more active now than they ever have been.  Since I’ve come to acknowledge and accept them, they’ve begun to awaken and to blossom into beautiful, deadly flowers in my garden.  They, wild for so long, yet kept in check by the Will of my Father and Others, are now reaching out into this world, through me.  I have become their bridge, and as their bridge, I connect them to the Land so that they may manifest here.

I don’t think they’ve ever been happier than they are now, in my care.  It was a long time coming, too.  I admit that I’ve made mistakes, and as a human person, will continue to do so, on occasion.  I am not perfect, whatever that actually is, but as long as I please them and serve them to the fullest of my ability as their Queen, it doesn’t matter.  I don’t have to be perfect.  I only have to be Columbine.

In being myself, completely, and not glossing over aspects of my own personhood, I am able to see a little bit of why I was given to these spirits.  I was made for them, and they chose me the moment they agreed to the terms of service, without even having met me, because when most of them entered into the agreement, I was at least a few hundred years from being born in this incarnation (but I suppose that’s another story entirely).

I’m a little bit mean, a little bit haughty, and maybe even a smidge possessive and territorial.  These are qualities that my particular spirits need in a Queen, even if they’re not exactly looked upon as assets in this world.  Those that cleave to me, who belong to me, are mine, and I’m not about to let go of the leash.

Another thing my Father has been slowly, ever so slowly, grooming me for is making connections with other humans that in some ways parallel my connections to the spirits.  If anyone remembers my early blogging days, they know I have pushed this potentiality to the side more often than not, dismissing it as impossible, or simply as a mild delusion.  Well, that’s no longer the case.  The jig is up, as they say, and I think I am at last able to consider it on a case by case basis.  After all, humans are spirits, too.  They may be incarnate on Earth right now, but still need to have their spirits fed.

Mostly, I’ve found that the Gods Themselves are the ones doing the feeding, but occasionally, there comes along someone whose needs are best served by a living Queen.  So, I serve when I am called, and it gives me joy and satisfaction to know that I am doing the Work which my Father had intended for me, from long ago.

Of course, this contentment, joy and satisfaction doesn’t end all of the fear involved in such an endeavor as ruling.  It is a position of ultimate responsibility, and as a Sovereign Queen, I take it very seriously.  My role is not really to rule in any overt manner, but rather to gently guide or push when the situation calls for it.  How I handle the Waiting Ones is inherently different to how I would handle a fellow human, and rightly so.

Firstly, there isn’t a human alive today who is required to listen to me, or follow my advice or pronouncements.  All is given freely, by the Will of my Father, and those who choose to listen are those who’ve sought me out on their own.  I fulfill a purpose, as do they, and together we are joined in our purpose.  This, I am Told, is how Courts are built, both here and in Other Worlds.

So, to fear ruling is to be aware of the consequences of one’s rule.  All of the good, and all of the bad, must be taken into account, accepted, and even cherished for the experience one gains from it.  Gaining knowledge is in the process of learning, and I am learning new things all the time, thanks to the Waiting Ones, and to new and established connections, alike.  And though my life hasn’t gotten any easier, it has become more meaningful, if not all the time more enjoyable.

When a God Tells You Something…

…Or, Little Syncretism Things…

Some of you may know that I have a budding relationship with Odin.  When He appeared in my life the first few times it did nothing but scare the crap out of me.  That has lessened, thankfully, and now I can concentrate on what I’m supposed to be learning from Him.  There are circumstances that He wants addressed, but other than that He has yet to suggest anything that I wasn’t already involved in, or anything that I didn’t already know needed fixing.  He and I have a pretty easy-going relationship, partly due to Zeus and Apollon keeping a watchful eye on my interactions with Him, and partly due to Him being incredibly understanding of my situation.

There are several things I work with Him on, but the most important thing He tries to teach me is how to be Sovereign; what that looks like in my life and with the spirits under my care, and what I need to do in order to project that Sovereignty without stepping on Apollon’s toes, and also how not to let Apollon walk all over me in the marriage.

As I’m sure you can guess, Apollon isn’t always pleased with the subject matter, but this education stems from an agreement between the two Kings, Zeus and Odin, and as much as He might not like it, He still has to abide by it, and so do I.  So, I listen and I watch, and I try to apply what I’ve heard and seen.

Now, as Hunt season has already begun (early, so I’ve heard) I’m in the position of being truly involved in my Court’s activities.  The Waiting Ones (which is the name they’ve called themselves since before I was finally given to them) are a host of dead fighting men and women, most of them previously human, some not so much, or at all.  After having spent so long just waiting for me to be born for them, they now get to act upon their extreme boredom.

Sometimes that means chasing terrified wildlife, sometimes it means giving me nightmares, and still other times it means merging with another long established Hunt during the darkening days of the year.  This is where Odin comes in again, though perhaps not in the way one might first expect.

I was told a story by Him, about two young Goddesses who once fled Their Homeland for reasons I am not at liberty to mention here.  They came to a place entwined with another Pantheon, and over the course of many, many years, were accepted into that Pantheon via personal human experience and established myth.  When looking back upon this, I’ve seen traces, though I claim it as nothing more than my personal doxa, even if I have spoken with the Goddesses in question about it, and even if They have vouched for the authenticity of Odin’s tale.

In the story, it was told that these Goddesses did not travel alone, but with a host of Their own– a Hunt, if you will, that remains loyal to Them to this day. It is this Hunt that my Court runs with during the darkening days, and their time with Them is soon to begin.

The Autumnal Equinox is, depending upon what calendar one uses, either tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow.  According to my calendar, it’ll be the day after.  As most Hellenic Polytheists I know of will perhaps be celebrating Persephone’s decent, I will be honoring Leto, and the riding of Her Hunt across the lands.

Of course, many also celebrate Apollon’s departure to Hyperborea on the Equinox, and this makes sense and is incorporated into my doxa, as Apollon and Artemis both will be riding in Their Mother’s Hunt, for at least the time between the Equinox and the end of Aegletia (the Treasury of Apollon’s October festival).  So, there is certainly a departure at the Equinox, but Apollon hasn’t gone completely from the world yet.  He remains on the outskirts of civilization, in our peripheral vision.

[And before anyone dares to tell me that this is “wrong”, please remember that Gods do not have to be in only one place at a single point in time.  If that is your reason for rejecting my doxa, fine, but don’t think to explain to a bride of Apollon, who regularly interacts with other brides of Apollon, that her God (or any God) can not be in more than one place at a time. Save your breath.]

So, Leto, the fair-haired and veiled Consort of Zeus, seems to have a lot more going on than the motherly demure that She is so often characterized by in what writings on Her that survive, which of course gives us very little information on how peoples of the past actually viewed Her.  In this, I rely on my doxa and on interactions with Her via dreams and symbolism.

When I see Leto, I do not see one who is tied down by conventional motherhood, though a large portion of our understanding of Her come from Her role as Mother of Artemis and Apollon.  I see a Goddess of liminality, of twilight, flanked by wolves, who takes no shit and doles out justice of the finest quality.  Leto suffers no insult lightly, either to Herself or to Her Children, and when She rides out on the darkening days, She does so unveiled, hair streaming behind her in awful glory.  This is the Goddess whom Niobe insulted– the Goddess whose honor was defended by Artemis and Apollon, and these traits are but a few inherited from Her, by Them.

When I look at Leto, I see a Whole Goddess, Someone who has a past, a history, a life that began long before the birth of Her Children, and in that I find common ground for the growth of our relationship, as well as for personal growth.  There is much I have (and have yet) to learn from Her in regard to keeping my own identity intact after becoming a mother.  In this culture, motherhood is so easily dismissed, yet it is also lauded as the highest pedestal a woman can be seated upon, to the detriment of society.

Leto, who is quiet, who is veiled, is the same Leto who does not flinch in the presence of Hera, or any Other.  She is the same Leto who throws off her veil to ride vigorously through the wilderness, and the same Leto who, for reasons of Her own, fled Her birthplace along with Her Sister and Their host to stake Her claim to the varied lands in ancient Hellas.  And She was well respected throughout.

So, as the days darken, my spirits will wander off to follow Her, as they have done in years past, while I will remain here preparing to receive Apollon and His Mother and Sister for the Aegletia.  And then They will leave to carry out Their various concerns for the Winter months.

It’s fascinating how so many of these revelations were brought about by a God with whom I never imagined I’d have anything to do with, directly.  It’s fascinating how Zeus arranged this.  And it’s fascinating how right it all feels… for me.