Today, a brief conversation with one of my Treasury Sisters via social media has brought my mind to the subject of purification, especially that which I do, or rather, that which I haven’t done enough of, for Apollon.
My relationship with Apollon is founded on many things; our desires, our Father’s desires for u/Us, the realities of our responsibilities coexisting and being balanced together, and more. But it is also founded on a motto: Absolute Purity.
I lived by this motto for a long, long time, through some of the most vile and impure situations of my life. I kept a strict prayer schedule. I kept my myself clean and free of miasma in body and mind. However, there came a time when going through the motions was no longer carrying me through the purification process to His satisfaction, so I was instructed to set it aside for a time. I did so, and I relaxed into a new state of being, one in which the rigorous pursuit of purity was no longer the pinnacle of our relationship. I still did the little things, khernips and the occasional ritual bath, but the motto of Absolute Purity did not at that time, and since, rule my life as it once had.
The conversation I mentioned above struck a nerve with Apollon, possibly because I was lamenting His request to shave my head again. I haven’t shaved in almost four years, since the last time I did so for Him. I have been enjoying growing out my hair, and even feel a bit vain about it. I can see that that is a problem. Vanity is not attractive. Pride in one’s appearance can be, but those are different things, with different connotations. So, I am having a discussion with Apollon about where this knowledge takes me. I know I need to sit with it for a while, to really process the probable direction of my coming focus. Right now, I do not feel ready to reembark upon the strict nature of my purificatory obligations. I am not in the best physical, mental or emotional health, to say nothing of the spiritual.
My Otherworld life is chaos, at the moment. I have had many things thrust upon me that I would just as soon walk away from, were that even an option. It isn’t, so I handle it in the best way that I can. As far as my mundane life is concerned, it is now more stable than it’s been in many years, but not by much. There are many, many stresses pressing themselves against me every moment of every day, so I haven’t felt like doing much of a purity routine, which, is likely the wrong reaction entirely. Arguably, I should be doing more in the way of purification, regardless of how my body and mind feel.
Miasma is a state of spiritual reality, as well as a state of mind which attracts that reality. In clearing the physical space, we make room for the emotional blockages to expand into a state of release, which in turn promotes a healthier view of the spiritual. It begins with purification, and a routine, preferably a daily or hourly one, I have found in the past to be the best first step for my own self-preservation.
So, as I sit with the probable return to the tenant of Absolute Purity, and all of the requirements and sacrifices that it entails, I will also be trying to remember the feel of my existence before it all, necessarily, fell away from me. Perhaps these are the missing pieces I have been seeking these last couple of years; the parts of my true being that I left behind. If I determine that it will bring me closer to my Beloved, as He has suggested, but not pushed, then I really must do as I am bid. Absolute Purity must again become the pinnacle of o/Our relationship.