Tag Archives: beauty

Lesson #2: Don’t Fear Your Beauty

Warning:  Some people may find this to be a rather vacuous post.  *shrugs*

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For a while now, I’ve donned the veil.  It wasn’t immediately out of religious obligation, but rather out of practicality.  After I began covering, however, I noticed the changes in attitude of those I interacted with, and was extremely pleased to see that I was not being looked over quite so much by random, strange men.  It kind of made me mad to have to cover myself just to receive a modicum of respect, though, since I’ve never been an outwardly flashy person.

I don’t wear make-up most of the time, and I have a very subdued sense of style (if you want to call it that).  I do not enjoy having my bits hanging out all over the place, and I never have. Therefore, I dress modestly, plainly even, in a way that is comfortable for me, and in which I feel safe, and secure in my own power and femininity.  Which has been wonderful, but as you all know, things have changed around here, and I found out pretty quickly that Loki doesn’t like plain.

The first thing He asked of me, before anything else, was for me to beautify myself for Him, in some small way.  I hesitated for a good long while, going back and forth with Apollon about what would be too much, and whether or not I should do it at all.  I was apprehensive, and not just because of my Lord’s opinion.

I seem to attract the worst kind of attention, so the prospect of changing even the slightest thing about my carefully crafted appearance was terribly stressing.  Obviously, fancy hair-styles were out of the question, as were a number of other things.  But, at the end, right when I thought I’d ask Him to stop throwing out suggestions, He smiled and said:

“You could paint your nails red, for me…”

I was stunned by the simplicity of it, for it was perfect, and in a very small, only slightly noticeable way.  Only my human husband questioned the new penchant for color.  He thinks it’s a waste of time, since the paint gets chipped off during the domestic work.  I did too, at first, especially since re-applying the polish every two to three days is tedious and time consuming. But wasn’t that the whole point?  To take the time to make myself look nicer, even if all it did was make me and my gods happy?

Indeed.  That was the whole point.  And, as it turns out, my Lord Apollon has also become quite fond of the ritual, as He has always loved the color red… and me in it.  ‘Twas the first mutual agreement They ever had with one another, in regards to me, and it’s been all uphill from there.  Once They realized They could agree on something

For instance, I’ve begun rearranging my closets, pulling out clothes that I haven’t worn in a long time.  Even a few things which survived the fire all those years ago.  Things that I wore back when Loki and I first met.

I didn’t even realize I still had most of that stuff.  Some of it is truly too outrageous to be worn now, but most of the clothes are just what I needed to spice things up a bit.  It’s been fun getting reacquainted with the part of me that loves adornment and self-decoration.  It’s also been fun finding beautiful, new and colorful (often patterned) ways to cover, while still maintaining my modest ideals.  And I have a very special Trickster to thank for it.  :)

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Myself, Modesty and the Veil

My latest encounters with Apollon have had me wanting to articulate something that is pretty important to me, as well as to him.  At least, in my case.  I don’t often have the chance to discuss this, so I’m not sure exactly what I want to say, but since my Lord is prodding me to continue, I guess I will.  lol

I don’t know if this is a trend in modern Paganism or not.  I’ve read a few accounts of devotees taking up the veil, but not enough to say that it wasn’t just their individual preferences.  I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I also wear a head-covering (veil or scarf), and dress modestly, and over time it has become a spiritual practice for me.

After the birth of my daughter, one way in which I marked my personal transition into motherhood, was by shaving my head.  Sounds odd, I know, but you have to understand.  My hair at that time was such a mess from all of the relaxers and other chemical products I’d saturated it with over the years.  Not to mention how tired I was of the beauty industry, as a whole. (I also wanted to set a different example for her, and the only way to do that was to change myself.)

The glamorous hair/weaves, the porn star make-up, the skimpy clothes (can they actually be called clothes when they don’t even cover a third of the body?), those sadistic fuck-me heels… all of it.  There was something so appealing about this new minimalist approach, which helped to mentally remove me from many of those unhealthy societal trends.

The best way for me to describe it is that the veil covering my head and surrounding my face created a kind a tunnel vision, which prevented unwanted thoughts and images from reaching me.  Covering became a sort of precursor to a meditative state, one that I was able to hold throughout the day.  I was more at peace with myself when I was covered, and could clearly see just how far I’d strayed from the modesty of my youth.

Modesty and chastity have been subjects of the utmost seriousness to me, ever since I was a young lady.  I’ve never been an exhibitionist, and I have a strong belief that, though we should not suppress our natural sexual expressions, *our bodies should be shared only in love and trust, with those persons for whom we hold real affection for.  And for me, this includes my style of dress.

I am uncomfortable with displaying my form in such a way that brings leering sexual attention from people, whether they be male, female, strangers or acquaintances.  And this discomfort is exacerbated by the Prince, for whom this form exists.  He never fails to remind me that I am his, and that modesty and chastity are his preferences for me, in addition to being my natural inclinations.

Now that I have made the conscious decision to return to modesty, I no longer have to wonder what fancy new style I’m going to put my hair into each day.  No more spending three unhappy hours in the mirror trying to force my thick, kinky hair to straighten under a flat-iron.  I no longer worry if men are salivating over my made-up face.  In fact, I don’t pay any attention to them now, and couldn’t care less about what they are or aren’t thinking when they see me.  And I also don’t have to worry about foot pain, back aches and breaking my ankles, since I’m not prancing around in those painful shoes.

I’m much more at ease now that modesty and chastity are again central themes in my life.  I feel like I’ve reconnected with the purity within my soul, which my god wishes to cultivate and spread through all aspects of my being. It is due to the veil that I was able to find the strength to love myself, as I am.  It is because of the veil that I can leave my house feeling like a person, rather than as a piece of meat.  And while I don’t think the veil is for everyone, having that physical reminder of modesty lightly covering my head, helps to keep me mindful of my god and his expectations.

Apollon appreciates many kinds of devotional offerings, and the act of keeping myself covered, and thus unrevealed to all but my Lord, is an offering of my whole self, in all the completeness of my love, saved just for him.  **And I feel very fortunate to belong to a god who appreciates modesty and demure.

Well, it seems I’ve rambled on enough.  I swear I had a point to all of this. Oh, well.  I guess I just needed to say it in order to clarify these thoughts for myself. I would also love to hear from others who’ve taken up the veil, your reasons, what it means to you, etc.  Thanks for reading!  :)

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*I know this is not the case for everyone, so I don’t want to come across as being preachy, but in my opinion, love is the ultimate source of sexual pleasure.
**Again, I’d like to stress that Lord Apollon has many varied tastes when it comes to his devotees.  My example is in no way “the norm”, and should not be taken as such, ever.